I’m sure we’ve all heard the clichés about the importance of good communication in marriage. From a personal perspective, I’ve known about it for a long time, but I never really understood the meaning of the word “communication”.

Communication means talking... so as long as we talk to each other, everything should be ok?

Not quite. Just recently I had an interesting experience whilst talking to my husband on the phone. It made me understand “communication” in a completely different manner. I thought I would share the story with you.

Everyone in the world has their own and unique reaction to frustration, anger and emotional pain. Some people like to talk about it immediately with someone that they can turn to, some people thrash it out with the person who caused the pain, others avoid discussing it with anyone, and some people want to be left alone with their pain and feelings because they like to dwell on it for a while in silence, without further communication.

When you get into a conflict with your spouse, both parties are bound to have their own reaction to negative emotions. I personally am the type who, when hurt, likes to be left alone with the pain. My husband on the other hand, likes to thrash it out immediately and solve it with me. It gets interesting when I start telling him to leave me alone, and he is insistent on fixing the problem a.s.a.p!

Initially I resented him for wanting to discuss things immediately whilst my brain had shut down and refused to negotiate or discuss. It was only later that I realised that he was only trying to help me. In my frustration I don’t see beyond my feelings and my desire to be left alone. By doing that, I don’t realise that there can be many negative repercussions of my behaviour, and that maybe my way, isn’t the best way to communicate in a marriage.
If I am left alone to dwell in my pain, I end up festering feelings of resentment, anger, disappointment and start making my own assumptions about things that may not be correct. I also create a wall between myself and my husband, and I shut him out. I go into “cold-war” mode and give him the silent treatment without realising it; because in my mind I’m busy dwelling on what happened. I always repeat the incident in my head and it causes the situation to worsen.

Luckily for me, my husband realised this aspect of my character a while ago, and told me that, although he thinks that I’m an amazing person, he feels that I need to improve my communication skills (which I agreed with). Ever since then, he’s been working on slowly bringing me out of my shell, and he makes me discuss my feelings, which I previously hated to do.

When I start to tell him that I don’t want to talk right now, he insists on discussing what I’m feeling, why I am angry, what my issues are and he moves towards solving the problem immediately. Initially, I HATE IT. Slowly however, I start to talk and discuss my feelings and in about 5 minutes, we have managed to sort out our misunderstandings, clear the air and resolve the issue. Then I look back and I wonder, wow, what just happened?

And I realise: what I hated, was actually good for me and all he wanted to do was help. That’s when I think to myself, Alhamdulillah for having a husband who cares about me and wants to help me improve myself; I always make a silent dua in my heart thanking Allah (swt) for blessing me with a righteous and caring husband, who understands me more than I understand myself.

May Allah (swt) bless our marriage, and the marriages of all the Muslimeen in this beautiful Ummah, and may He, Most High, reunite us with our spouses in Jannatul Firdaus. Ameen.

1) This first one is an abaya that I've designed recently. It's made in Oman and it has a Chinese collar, button down front and made from a shiny satin material. Its front and back are plain but the sleeves have embellishments. I've had them make 2 sleeves, one inner plain, fitted sleeve and an outer one which has crystals on the inside and also a bell shape to it. I've included a second picture of just the sleeve to give u a better idea. I also have buttons to close the outer sleeves if I don't want them to show too much. The sleeves have a single silver tassel and so does one corner of the shaila.

2) This second one is an abaya that I bought at the Omani Souk, and its a Bahraini style abaya that's very popular here, its called a Bhisht. Its similar to the farasha style that was popular earlier. Its also made from a satin material, and it has embellishments on the waist and cuffs of the sleeves. It also has a hidden waist band that you can tie under the abaya to give it some shape if you like.

3) This abaya is new Omani style that's really famous here amongst the girls. It's called a "balloon" abaya. I bought it ready-made because it's apparently a bit complicated to stitch. It's one of my favorite styles of abayas as well. I've included an up-close picture of the neck area to show how it's stitched to give it such a beautiful shape. It's plain except for a simple lace around the cuffs of the sleeves and the bottom of the abaya, which I added after I bought it.

4) This is an abaya from Dubai. I'm not sure if there's a name for this style, or if it's typically Emirati, but I really liked it when i saw it. It has a plain front and back, with a small neck opening. The sleeves are really pretty, an inner fitted sleeve and an outer flared sleeve.

The part I like best is the back of it; it has 2 outer folds that come together at the centre of your back, to be tied together based on how you'd like it to look. I'd also like to note that this is a loose fitting abaya, so no matter how tightly its tied, it doesn't show your shape or accentuate any curves because its simply too loose, it just adds a train-like effect to the back of the abaya to make it look more flowing.

The front:

The back:

5) This is actually a jilbab that I bought from Toronto before I left. Its one of my favorite ones and is a beautiful aubergine color. It has 2 layers, an inner layer that's closed, and an outer layer that has slits on either side going down the length of the jilbab. It has a very pretty embroidery pattern on both sides and on the cuffs as well. Its originally Jordanian.

6) Here's another Bhisht, Bahraini style abaya that I purchased from Dubai. In this you can see the waist band very clearly as I've left the abaya completely plain except for a line of crystals on either length of it, and on the cuffs of the sleeves. The waist band lifts up the front of the abaya about an inch so the front becomes shorter than the back, when its tied.

7) Last but not least, here's an abaya I bought from Abu Dhabi a while ago. It has got a Chinese collar and plain button down front, but the back of it features a strip of textured cloth that goes, in a single stripe, down the back of the abaya. I also has a matching stripe on the sleeves and the edge of the shaila.